By Paula Neall Coleman

Why Diets Don’t Work, Especially For Christians, Part 2

In the last “Food for Thought,” we looked at why, because of the ramifications of legalism in the Christian’s life, diets don’t work, especially for Christians. The following reflection questions were offered for consideration:

1. In what areas of your life do you currently have discipline and why do you think you have it in those areas?

2. What are some of the reasons you are motivated to “do right” (avoid sin, do loving acts, pursue a relationship with God, treat others with kindness, etc.)?

3. What would happen if you never, ever dieted again? What would happen if you continued to diet?

Through the years of conducting Weight of Grace small groups for women, the following are insights about the answers women typically give to those questions:

· In what areas of your life do you currently have discipline and why do you think you have it in those areas?

Many of the women in Weight of Grace small groups give a knee-jerk answer to this questions, saying, “I don’t have any discipline,” which indicates that they are focusing almost totally on their eating and dieting and that they are failing to see the bigger picture of their life as a whole. Among those same women, none fails to brush her teeth regularly, bathe regularly, do laundry as it is needed, pick the kids up after school and other events, get the shopping done so that there’s enough food in the house, and comb or brush her hair nearly every day. Most women take these activities for granted and don’t realize they are part of the discipline in their lives.

Now, are people disciplined in the areas of their hygiene and taking care of the needs of their families because there is a set of rules that says they must do so? Usually not. Usually, people are motivated to brush their teeth and groom their hair regularly because they enjoy how it feels when they do and they dread the consequences of not doing so. They like feeling clean and don’t like feeling grungy. And most people are motivated to engage in activities that meet the needs of family members because of their love and loyalty, wanting to do what’s best for people who count on them for nurture and care.

The truth of the matter is that if rules were in place regarding the routine “disciplines” of our lives, we would probably resent them. As long as my husband doesn’t tell me he expects me to pack his lunch each day, it’s a joy and a gift to get to do so. I can well imagine that I’d frequently find excuses to avoid making his lunch if I knew he believed it to be my “duty.” If there were monitors who checked our teeth every day for cleanliness, don’t you know we’d find ways to cheat and bluff?! It’s the same with trying to motivate ourselves to “eat right.” As long as the rules say we ought to, who wants to? And this doesn’t even take into account that our motivations for wanting to lose weight are based on less than godly principles and, therefore, create inner conflict over whether we really “ought” to be “thin.”

Now that I no longer try to use rules and regulations to keep my eating in line, I’m as motivated to avoid feeling overly full as I’m motivated to keep my teeth clean. I don’t like the way it feels when I’m overstuffed. I like how I feel when I’ve eaten just the right amount of food to satisfy my hunger. I feel energized and content when I’ve eaten to that “just right” point. I feel sluggish and bloated when I overeat. Since I know I can eat whatever I want the next time I get hungry, why overeat now? There’s no diet around the corner that motivates me to “eat now for tomorrow we diet.” There are so many activities other than eating that I want to do. When the rules said I couldn’t eat, that was all I wanted to do. Now that there are no rules and I can eat whenever I want and whatever I want, I have the freedom to assess what I really do want to do, and I don’t want to overeat. It just doesn’t feel good. And that’s evidence of my return to the “real me,” the new creation in Christ who allows the Holy Spirit to direct her.

· What are some of the reasons you are motivated to “do right”?

There are times we are faced with rudeness and we choose not to react in kind. There are times when we are very tired and we choose to help a friend with her garage sale anyway. There are times when we really want to spend time praying or reading the Scripture and don’t even think of turning on the TV. What gives us that “umph” to do what is right, especially when doing right is to some degree difficult or inconvenient?

There are two basic categories of motivators for all the “good” that we as Christians do. One motivator is self-centered, doing what is right because it will somehow get us what we want. Many of our “good deeds” are done for very selfish reasons. (In fact, given the fallen condition of our souls without Christ, all good deeds done by those who do not believe in Christ are done, ultimately, for selfish reasons.) This is where doing good because the “rules” say you should can come in. There is a personal satisfaction we can enjoy when we “do as we ought” or follow a rule. Of course, there can also be other rewards of various types and sizes for “doing good”: the appreciation of a recipient, the smugness of knowing we’re better than others, the recognition of those who notice our not-so-random acts of kindness. Christians are not exempt from this form of motivation. When we as Christians act out of the flesh, even when we do “good,” the motivation is always selfish.

On the other hand, for new creations in Christ, the greatest motivators in the universe are within us, the Holy Spirit and the love Christ puts in our hearts (John 14:16; 2 Corinthians 5:14). Because God indwells us and has changed our hearts, it is indeed our nature to act in godly ways. When we turn to God for his power to motivate our behaviors, we act in ways that are Christ-like. Why should our eating be any different than other areas of our lives? The Holy Spirit is at work in us to make us more and more like Christ in every area of our lives.

· What would happen if you never, ever dieted again? What would happen if you continued to diet?

There are usually two distinct camps when it comes to how Weight of Grace small group participants answer this question: those who are terrified and those who are tired. The terrified ones are those who say they will experience extremely negative consequences if they give up dieting. They expect to become “blimps,” to start eating and never, ever stop. They feel they are facing the death of a dream, of a goal for which they have striven for years. One woman answered, “I’ll never weigh what I want to weigh.” When I asked her if in all the 20 years she’d been dieting she had ever weighed what she wanted to weigh, she said she had once, but that lasted only a few months and was one of the most stressful times of her life. Almost all that women feel they’d be giving up by not dieting they never achieve by dieting anyway – and certainly for no significant period of time. At some point, such dreams and goals need to be recognized for what they are, fantasies.

Another answer that came from the “terrified” camp was so very telling: “I’d have to accept myself whether other people do or not.” Yes, as long as you’re dieting, you can tell yourself you’re going to get “better,” and you can accept yourself later. And you can believe that others will accept you later too, so it doesn’t matter that they don’t accept you now. Not dieting does mean going ahead and accepting how you look right now, and others who have minds polluted by this world may not accept you at this point. Not dieting also means putting faith in God and in his assessment of you, which is not dependent on your size. It means you get to exercise faith that God will enable you to be your best self, your true self, regardless of whether that person looks the way the culture considers ideal.

The small group participants who are in the “tired” camp are the ones who see the end to dieting as the beginning of freedom and rest. They answer this question with comments such as, “I’ll have more peace of mind,” or “I won’t think about food so much and I’ll have less guilt.” They’ve dieted a long time with not much to show for it but self-condemnation and two or three wardrobes to match their constantly changing size. Many times, those in the “tired” camp are women who have had some experience with the grace of God and release from legalism in other areas of their lives. They just haven’t before seen grace applied to eating and weight. So, it starts clicking with them. One of the best ways to prime yourself for accepting that dieting doesn’t work is to expose yourself to God’s grace. Prayerfully read the book of Galatians and ask God to show you how this applies to you in areas where you’re still trying to “live up to” standards and rules. There are numerous books available that have “grace” in the title or with grace as the theme. A few of my favorites are Grace Walk by Steve McVey, Grace Works by Dudley Hall, and Tired of Trying to Measure Up by Jeff Van Vonderen. There are also many books that address how to live in the power of the Spirit, rather than by keeping rules. I especially like Lifetime Guarantee by Bill Gillham and the Be Transformed workbook by Scope Ministries International.

This question of what would happen if you never dieted again is often the “make it or break it” question for members of Weight of Grace small groups. If they really can’t accept the diets-don’t-work thinking, then this material is just not helpful to them. My prayer is always that women will catch the vision of how God desires to work in their lives to allow them to be themselves, their true selves, which means quite naturally eating in moderation after a transition time of a few months to a couple of years of learning what that feels like for them.